I talk a lot about fashion (obviously, this is a fashion blog), my love for wine, and my bad dating experiences but I don’t often talk about me and my heart. I’m a fairly private person, I don’t easily share my feelings – it’s just who I am. However I’ve realized that by sharing our stories we can help others with theirs. Have you ever been through something and felt that you’re the only one who could feel that way? I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone. This is why I’m starting a new series of life posts, allowing you to experience a little part of my heart in hope that my story will help you with whatever chapter you’re currently living.
Here we go…
Life is full of highs and lows. During our high moments we feel happy, fulfilled, and ready for tomorrow. During our low moments we feel lonely, worthless, and not enough. For the last couple years I’ve been in and out of low moments. It all started with a boy (doesn’t it always). I was in my first real, adult relationship with hope that this could be it. I loved him, he said he loved me. Within a two week time frame, my boyfriend broke up with me, my Memaw passed away and my best friend was hospitalized with viral meningitis. I felt like God had given me far more than I could handle.
If you’ve ever had a broken heart you know how it feels. You feel physical pain from your emotional hurt. Even the strongest begin to feel weak and wounded. It’s as though in a single moment you become a new person. When your heart is broken it’s like an open wound, and even the softest blow of air can cause excruciating pain. I never fully understood the importance of guarding my heart until I had to guard a broken one. A broken heart desires to feel love, importance and worth while searching for it in ways that will likely only cause more pain. It’s just like when you’re really thirsty so you take a large drink of your water only to find out it’s your friend’s cold tea (EWWW). Drinking that cold tea only makes you more thirsty and leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
I tried so many ways to cover or heal my broken heart, but I learned (the hard way) the only way to heal a broken heart is to go to the one that created it. Trust me, I tried other ways and they only left me feeling worse. Deep down, I knew that God was the answer but I was being too stubborn to allow Him to help me.
So to those of you dealing with a broken heart, I know it hurts. It sucks. It’s awful. BUT THIS TOO WILL PASS.
Here are ten lessons I learned from having a broken heart.
1. Let go of the anger. I intentionally started with this one because if you don’t let go of your anger, nothing else will matter. Anger is a hard emotion to control, and only you (with the Big Guy’s help) can move past anger. Anger makes you react in ways that you typically wouldn’t. Anger can make you hurt those you love most. Feel the anger – go on a run, take boxing classes, go skydiving – let out and let go of the anger in a healthy way.
2. It’s ok to be sad. Life hurts, people hurt, and moments hurt. It’s ok to feel the sadness, to cry and to mourn. Whatever you are going through IS hard, IS hurtful, and IS exhausting. It’s ok to feel that. So cry, be sad and allow yourself time to experience how you feel. Let it all out so you can move on. And this is coming from someone that just doesn’t cry.
3. Don’t change your values or beliefs. When you have a broken heart, you’ll do anything to heal it and to prevent it from happening again. If you believe it’s important, it IS important. Don’t change your values for someone, find someone who loves you for your values. If it was important to you yesterday, it will be important to you tomorrow.
4. Don’t shut people out. My initial reaction was to close the door to every relationship. Someone I loved hurt me, who was to say that someone else I loved wouldn’t? Just because someone didn’t love you the way you’d hope, doesn’t take away the sincerity of the true love you do have in your life. Let people love you, it’s a great way to heal a broken heart.
5. Take time for yourself. Take a couple days off work, go on a weekend holiday. Whatever you need to allow yourself time to heal, reflect and mourn. Don’t try to hide it, go to work, or smile through a date. Rushing a heart that needs time to heal is like removing stitches too soon, eventually something is going to cause that cut to open up again causing an even bigger scar.
6. Be careful with your actions. When your heart is broken you become numb, you start to walk like a zombie through life not caring about what you say, think, and do. If your trusted friends, family, and loved ones are shocked by your behavior, you too will be eventually. It’s hard to make good decisions when you’re numb, so lean on your loved ones.
7. Turn to God. This one was hard for me and I’ve been a Christian all my life. I had a hard time turning to God because I was mad at Him and lost trust in Him. I blamed Him for the actions that I made, that others made, and how I felt. God has given us free will, and because of that we are going to be hurt and hurt others.
8. People love the best way they know how. This one was also REALLY hard for me. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I was devastated and expected everyone to react and help me in JUST the way I needed, when that didn’t happen I got angry and felt let down. It wasn’t until I realized that everyone loves the best way they know how, that I truly saw people did love me and were trying to help me. So give your friends, and family some grace – they’re trying.
9. You are enough. You are worth love, joy, peace, happiness, and so much more. Just because he broke up with you, she can’t be your friend, that company didn’t hire you, or whatever it was – YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are enough because you are amazing. God has chosen you, and you need to chose yourself.
10. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, we all sin – that’s why God’s grace exists. I use to think I could make it through life with little “mistakes”, that I would be graded and I was certain to get an A. That’s not realistic, we are sinners and we are human. I messed up a lot, and I’m going to mess up every day to some extent. Don’t let the guilt of your past keep you from living today. TODAY is so important, you don’t get another one. In the song “What a Beautiful Name” by Hillsong United it says “My sin was great, but your love was greater.”.
I hope in sharing my heart with you that you, at the very least, know you’re not alone. And these Dalmatians are adorable.